When People crowned Johnny Depp as the Sexiest Man Alive (2009), thousands of Twi-hards lost their shit wings…and also sent out their anger in shape of hate-mail to the likes of Lainey Gossip. Did you read her article? Did you read those emails? So much ignorance and hate! And Lainey says that those women are not in their teens…no, those are grown freaking women! For some of those, getting a life might be a tad too late, but seeking help of mental professionals would be just fitting.

On to Johnny. If anyone deserves this title unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably, it’s Johnny Depp. Who else can make a weird eye-lined pirate sexy as hell? Who else oozes sexiness even when he looks grungy and unkempt? Sexiest Man Alive? Johnny Depp! And though a part of me was hoping that Colin Firth would take the title this year, I am perfectly happy with their choice. Thank you, People Mag! Thank you for not giving it to Pattinson!